Saturday, 20 September 2014

To ask, or not to ask, that is the question.

Last Saturday there was an article in The Guardian by Robert Hoge called
Don'ts' aren't helping: here's five things you can say to someone with a disability
It makes some important points - not least that many people who aren't used to disability are so
terrified of saying the wrong thing that they are almost unable to relate to people with disabilities, and this does need to change.
Description: A scared looking stickman in a cloud of politically correct angst sat next to a stickman in a wheelchair saying Hi. Caption reads "Differently Normal, not the PC police".

But I'd have to agree with Mik Scarlet's response that actually, no. Some of those are not things people should be encouraged to ask.

Mik is totally right where, when addressing the 'tell me about your disability' question, he  states
"...for every disabled person who is in a place where they can answer this question there are just as many who are not. "
There are times when asking this question is cruel and extremely upsetting. Don't ask a random stranger this, just don't.

Even so, Robert makes this excellent point:
"If we want to bash through barriers confronting people with a disability, we need the community to have a better understanding of us. This probably means some uncomfortable conversations – for others and for us. Focusing on what people shouldn’t say isn’t the way to build good relationships. If we can face living our lives in these bodies, we can face some difficult exchanges along the way."
But this doesn't need to be said to the non-disabled public. It needs to be said to us people with disabilities, so we can support each other in finding our own ways to open up the lines of communication, and find ways to let people understand our world. It is why I started Stickman Communciations - communicating about disability in ways that both disabled and non-disabled can relate to.

So: What should be said to the general public? (Other than Rob's much needed observation that it is OK to say hello.) To me, it is simple.

Forget about disability.

There are various phrases which are routinely used for 'random stranger' conversations.

1. "Lovely/Awful weather isn't it!"
2. (In a shopping centre, to someone with many shopping bags) "Managed to find some good stuff then?"
3. (On public transport) "Looks like the train/bus is late again/on time for once."
4. "Having a good day?"
etc.

The reply to these is usually
either 
Chatty, encouraging more conversation - in which case carry on chatting. And over time chat might contain more slightly personal questions (about work, life, health, family etc.). But not overly-personal (i.e. toilet habits, sexual issues etc.)
or 
Blunt, annoyed, or they turn away from you. In which case, don't attempt to carry on chatting cos they aren't in the mood.

And if we put the disability issue back in? It's exactly the same. 

(No. it isn't OK for a random stranger to walk up and ask me how I use the loo. Yes, this really happens.)

As to when is it OK to ask about disability...well, it is a personal matter. Some parts of a disability might fall into the 'slightly personal' category, some the 'overly-personal'. So, if you've got chatting to someone and would like to ask about their disability, the best option is to say:
"May I ask you about your disability?" - and then respect whatever answer you are given, whether a yes, or a no.

But can you offer help? - again, take out the disability. Do they look like they are struggling? Yes? - offer help. No? - Don't offer help.

And as to telling a person with a disability that they are inspiring....guess what.....take out your perception of disability, and then consider whether the facts that you know give rise to the inspiring or not.
For example:
I get on a train, and wheel myself expertly into the wheelchair space. A gentleman leans over and says 'That is really inspiring'. No. It isn't. It is a basic skill that is well within my physical ability, and no more notable than an average non-disabled person sitting in their seat without squashing their neighbour. Unfortunately all this comment told me was that his expectations of my were almost non-existent, so his praise was, at best, extremely patronising.
Another example:
I get on a train. I chat with the chaps opposite. During the conversation my wrist dislocates and one of them helps me relocate it. I then manage to choke spectacularly and can't speak. I roll my eyes, and signal "I'm OK" - and use my keyring cards to explain that 'My ability to speak coherently is temporarily missing, please try later.' My part of the conversation switches to hand gestures. As they help me off the train at my destination, one of them says "You are inspirational."
Fair enough. They had seen me fall apart and deal with it calmly. They had seen my body do things which I hate it doing, and stay positive.

So before you tell someone that they are inspiring, just ask yourself "do I know from what I have seen and heard, that they have pushed their limits in an exceptional and inspiring manner, or am I making assumptions?" - and when you have your answer, you will know whether it is appropriate to say it or not.

Monday, 11 August 2014

The best of conversations

When fatigue is playing up, conversations decrease. Word finding isn't easy, sentences don't happen and word order becomes increasingly creative.

On Saturday I was facebook chatting with a Carla. Who was also a fatigue zombie.

Minions to the rescue!!

What happened next was one of the best conversations I have ever had.


Thursday, 7 August 2014

It's been busy!

I know my blog has been quiet.

July's offline stuff stole all my energy -it's been quite a month!

New products, attending Warrington Disability Awareness Day, more new products, helping with the Hypermobility Syndrome Association's residential conference and.....new lycra.

Lycra?

Yes, lycra. from www.dmorthotics.com

You see, some of the way my POTS and EDS have affected me include: lots of blood pooling in veins causing reduction of blood supply to the brain, very poor proprioception and lots of unstable joints. To help manage the blood pooling I've been wearing standard compression stockings plus sports compression wear plus abdominal binder for years, and been on various meds (including Octreotide - an injection every 3 weeks in the butt). They have helped but not enough. So I grabbed the chance to try a custom made lycra outfit (socks, leggings, T-shirt) with extra compression in relevant places.

I wore it on the Saturday of the HMSA conference. Yes, this is me:


How awesome is that!?!


Funnily enough, this was me the next day:

(My wheelchair is out of shot. Or possibly being sat on my the photographer. I can't remember. I didn't mind what went on around me so long as I was left in peace.)

It's not a cure, but it is a really useful management tool - even if I currently have no idea what my capabilities are and consequently am totally failing on the pacing front. Moments of 'LOOK I can have a conversation standing up! Isn't this amazing!!' followed by flat on the floor moments where words are not a viable prospect at all. But balance will come with time and experience.

The next few months will be trial and error, discovering whether can I wear it everyday without trashing my skin, without injuring too many joints while putting it on, and possibly hardest of all, learning where my limits are and what I need to do to manage my conditions as best as I can.

This will definitely have to include not sitting upright and relaxed for more than 30 minutes without doing something to get the blood moving (says me after 2 days of going 'whoop I'm alive', doing an hours work on the computer, then crashing for the rest of the day. I try to be sensible, but sometimes I end up learning the hard way!)

So it's no cure, but it is an exciting new tool which should improve my condition management and help me maximise my abilities.

And as I am now off all my POTS control medications.....my butt cheeks are most pleased not to have an elephant sized needle attacking them every 3 weeks!

[Edited to add: this is also a result of 8 years of physiotherapy, pilates, adn working really hard on posture and joint control ;) ]

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Warrington - and difficult questions.

I spent Sunday at the Warrington Disability Awareness Day celebration. It was a lovely event - very well organised, and with a lovely atmosphere. I really enjoyed it.



But there is one question I found really difficult...

"So what is it that your company does? Is it aimed at people with disabilities, or carers or the general public?"

Look: My business plan is "Draw Stickmen about life. Sell stickmen about life. Create stuff that makes communicating easier and more effective. Have a positive mindset, but ALWAYS draw real."

I'm not sure I've consciously created anything specifically for people with disabilities - I have created many many things for the people who meet someone with a disability and don't know how to react, or don't understand or respect the persons limitations or abilities, or go all weird - forgetting basic common sense, assume disability is inferior, or even worse, that disability is automatically some terrible, terrible life which must be constantly full of awfulness.

So although most of my stickmen products are owned by people with disabilities - they are mostly aimed at helping the people they meet to learn to relax around disability - respect but not fear. Disability is not the end of the world, it's just a different normal.

"But is it aimed at people with disabilities? or the general public?"

No. Just no. It is aimed at people. It is aimed at helping people with totally different life experiences to understand each other a little better. It is communication. And there is no point in aiming your communication at one half of a conversation and not the other!

Thursday, 26 June 2014

Yoga stickmen!



I love these. They are variations of my keyring communication cards and are created in partnership with Kay from yoga2calm. True, there are probably thousands of people who do yoga out there who will think "why do you need laminated cards with these on? I just remember what to do!" But for those of us who can't "just remember" (brain fog, cognitive issues, learning difficulties etc.) it simply isn't that easy. And if you struggle with reading, you need an image which reminds you what to do.

Kay came up with the idea having taught yoga and mindfulness to adults and children with special needs for many years - wanting to provide a simple, durable, easily transportable and easily understood way of reminding people of the exercises. 

They are laminated cards, 110mm x 80mm with a hole for a keyring in one corner, and this initial set of 7 cards (1 breathing/relaxation and 6 yoga poses), with the image for instant reminder of what to do on the front, and a simple explanation on the back, is available for £14 from www.yoga2calm.co.uk 

I love them because they make me smile about physio :D As someone with HMS/EDS I have to be very careful not to overstretch, and to focus on control and not flexibility, but the positions on these cards are well within my range of movement - and are actually harder for me than some of the more advanced ones because they make me have to control my muscles rather than just flop into extreme bendiness. The triangle, tree and tiger are all exercises I've been given by physios -and these cards are so much more fun than anything the physios have given me to use as a reminder! If you aren't familiar with how to do them correctly I'd advise getting a lesson or 2 so that you know you are doing them correctly. (Kay is seriously clued up on HMS/EDS which is probably why these work for me!)

My personal favourite is the breathing one. I have found myself using this exercise to help me sleep and when my POTS kicks off an adrenaline rush. I don't have an expanding ball but even just holding my hands as if there were on an expanding ball or imagining the ball as I breathe seems really effective for me - with the image of the happy, serene little stickman in my head. And it can be done anywhere and in any situation. I can't help wondering whether this card might help people with anxiety by being such a positive and visual reminder of something which can be done to help calm down.

I'm really hoping that these are a success because then we will expand the range, and although the breathing and relaxation exercises are definitely more difficult to depict in stickman, those are the ones I am looking forward to most.

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

My Awesome was on strike.

During a particularly rough patch in May (which was EDS awareness month) a friend (Carla Spear) made a comment about it being OK to hide away and return to being awesome when I can.

I loved that concept. That our individual awesomeness can go missing and that's OK and a normal part of life. Well, it is certainly part of my life!

So this happened:
Awesome on strike T-shirt. (c) Hannah Ensor
[image of a stickman in bed with the covers over his head. Text reads: "My awesome is on strike. So I'm searching for it under my duvet."]
There is a significant drawback to creating images that resonate with me personally. Especially when people say "I want that on a T-shirt". Because...well, my awesome was on strike, so doing proper work wasn't going to happen, but playing with colours and stuff on a picture was the perfect pass time.....

And suddenly I NEEEEEEEED the T-shirt. 

Awesome on strike T-shirt. (c) Hannah Ensor
[image of a stickman in bed with the covers over his head. Text reads: "My awesome is on strike. The duvet is overseeing essential negotiations."]

My business plan doesn't involve T-shirts for a few years, but due to my NEEDING this T-shirt I have made an exception to the rule.

So from now until the 1st July 2014 I am accepting advance orders of this limited edition in a range of sizes and colours here, then I will do a single print run of the T-shirts ordered, and then send them out at the end of July. (I don't plan to keep them in stock, so if you want one you need to place an advance order.)

So by the end of July I'll have one. The perfect T-shirt for raising a smile on a bad day. And so will all the other people who order one before July!

.....well, that is the plan. Only..... I might end up deciding I can't wait that long and getting myself a printed sample T-shirt early....I know, I know, is it really worth £40 for a single T-shirt?....well, no...but this T-shirt is special! So maybe......

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Wristbands and Unicorns

Everyone working in the world of printing will be able to tell you horror stories of  misprints, spelling mistakes, pictures that reverse themselves etc. Normally you keep quiet and don't tell anyone your mistake....

But this was too cute.

When I ordered the new 'differently normal' wristbands, as always I got the proof through - and did some colour tweaking....and then it hit me.

My happy little people had morphed into....

Unicorns.


Slightly distorted, but still cute.

Unicorns.


Both I and my account manager from ideasbynet laughed - then spent half the phonecall discussing the merits of the new unicorn style, before we returned to reality, discovered that the file was corrupted and solved the problem.

Despite having seen the correct proofs, it was still a little nerve racking opening the box of wristbands yesterday....

....would I be faced with a herd of unicorns?

I needn't have feared: a box full of colourful, happy little wristbands grinned back.

And I immediately adopted one of each colour in the childs size -because they are possibly the most happy wristbands in existence:


The moral of the story? Always check your proofs...

....And unicorns can turn up in unexpected places.