The under-rated achievement of NOT doing the thing

 I sit here writing this blog with a huge feeling of accomplishment...for NOT doing an important task. One that could be essential for my business.

In average life, this makes little sense.

In a life of limited energy, needing constant strategic planning and compromise - it's a massive deal.

With limited energy, difficult decisions have to be made - and the biggest factor is my capacity. Sometimes it's a good idea to do things above capacity (sometimes for practical reasons, sometimes physical, emotional or mental health reasons) - but that is a topic for another day. Other times the best choice is to manage activity to within capacity - and that is where I'm at today. Not only that, but I am also in the 'danger zone' for accidentally doing too much.

This week has been what I call 'Splat week'. I am hormonal and on my period, and the knock on effect on my hypermobility and PoTS is some pretty extreme pain, fatigue, and overall wobbliness. I spend a couple of days going downhill, a couple of days at complete splat, then a couple of days emerging back to my usual level of symptoms and capacity.

During yesterday's splat I thought of doing a SM reel of some of my coping strategies for my hormonal week. A combination of the validation I wish I'd had in my early days of disability that yes, I really do get worse at that time of each month (rather than thinking I was imagining it) and some of the things I've learned that help me through it.

Today I am on day 1 of emerging. I feel SO much better. A sense of a burden lifted and function returning. I feel so much better than I did, that I forget how far away from my usual level I still am - creating a danger zone where I *can* do things - but overdoing it and causing a crash is really really easy. 

So when I woke up and thought "Oh, I could  make that reel today" I double checked that thought - analysing the facts not just the feeling. 

Key facts: 

• Talking is a major symptom trigger/energy drain. 
• Pushing now will deplete tomorrow. 
• I'm still really wobbly and had to use my wheelchair to get to the kitchen to make breakfast.
• I have a really important thing on Saturday - if I crash now I probably won't recover in time. 
• Waiting a few more days won't make a big difference to the business.
• If I keep recharging I'll be able to do it with minimal hangover in a few days time.

Unsurprisingly the conclusion was: No. I am not ready. 

So I may plan some of the points I wish to make in the reel, but no filming. No practicing. No properly working on it.

Stepping back and making the best decision for the long term is a huge achievement.

It is an achievement that takes much more work than 'pushing through'. It is much better for my health and long term capacity. But at a general society level, it isn't accepted - easily labelled as giving in, playing the patient role, being lazy etc. And these labels can be raised by our own brains too.

So here's to everyone else who needs to say no. I see you. I see the good decision behind the No. I see the courage it's taken. And I celebrate your achievement.