I don’t feel tired.
I feel drained.
Not drained dry, but more like only a quarter full.
I’ve had a busy few days both in terms of brain energy and physical energy. Some productive meetings and great gym sessions have been worth it, but today I don’t have the energy for sustained anything unless adrenaline kicks in. I need to slow. Do gentle things, but try to ensure that energy used is less than energy available so that I recharge.
I can easily ‘push through’ and get things done anyway, running off adrenaline instead of ‘real’ energy. But experience says that will extract far higher payment later on - a far longer period of far greater symptoms. So why do it?
This used to feel lazy.
So today is a Holiday Day.
And instead of lazy, it becomes like when school was unexpectedly closed due to a fault with the heating. There is suddenly no ‘To Do’ list.
Ok, so I have to drive home from the hotel I’ve been at, but even that takes a different shape. Breaks at service stations stop being calculated - trying not to extend the journey too much, and instead become something where I can nap for an hour, listen to an audio book while eating an ice-cream, or browse WHSmiths for books. (I’m so glad I always travel with stuff that makes the car very comfortable for resting!). Perhaps the 2 hour journey will take 3 - or even 5 hours to get home. But I will enjoy it. And recharge along the way.
In some ways what I do will be similar to what I do on a ‘bad day’ but with a very important difference - it isn’t done from necessity, but with a flavour of illicit freedom and luxury.
(This is blogged via my phone, sorry about any typos!)